The Denora

Just Stuff

I finally got in to see the doctor I'd been complaining about last week. Lucky for me, they had a cancellation this morning, and I could be squeezed in. Of course since that went wellit means something else had to go badly. I practically had to hog tie her down and force her to input my requested labs into the computer. I know my thyroid isn't functioning properly. I feel exactly like I did the last time it stopped working. I'm tired all the time, yet have trouble sleeping. My skin is incredibly dry, despite excessive lotion use. And the biggest symptom (aside from my rapidly expanding waistline) is that I'm constantly cold. Not just colder than most people, but perpetually freezing. Put it this way, a couple weeks ago it was over 100 degrees here for a week, and I was wearing sweatshirts. I. CANNOT. GET. WARM. She took all of this in stride and insisted it must be something else. Fine. Test me for something else too, but at least placate my fear and test my thyroid level too. I don't understand why she was so resistant to testing me for it. I think I'm going to start looking for a new doctor. Maybe one who actually wants to help me.

In happier news, Dad, Donald and I took in a Kings vs. Ducks hockey game yesterday, and had a fantastic time. Sadly, the Kings did not win, but it was fun nonetheless. I still have more fun at the minor league Ontario Reign games, but it was nice to see how the "big boys" do it. As a special treat, I ran into my oldest friend in the world. We've been friends since Kindergarten, (the only friend I've known longer is my sister, and only by 2 years), but hardly get to see each other. We finally got together a few months ago for dinner, which is unusual for us, so it was completely out of the ordinary to see her twice in a couple months! I wish we'd had more than 5 minutes to talk, but we've vowed to get together again soon.

For a variety of reasons I can't really talk about here (yet) this week is probably going to suck for me. Posting shall continue, but shall be light. Normal rambling to continue next week!

Excuses, Excuses

It's been a long day, and I'm exhausted. I started to go to bed before I realized that I hadn't posted anything for today. So I'm copping out again and putting up a picture of Mia instead of any real content. Tomorrow I'll have something more interesting to read. I hope.

Aww cute duck. I shall kiss your fuzzy head.

Fires

So, my state is on fire. Again. The closest fire to me is actually in my city, but I'm about 10 miles from the very edge of it (give or take some). The air around me is very smoky and cloudy, and you can see the fires quite well from my area. (My actual apartment is behind a hill, so I can't see. But the view from the hill is amazing.) I'm not in an evacuation area, since the fire seems to be going the other direction, which is nice for me, but horrible for the huge housing community that it's plowing through. They've shut down the 91 freeway which, if you don't know the area, is the only major through way to get from Orange County to Riverside County. So tomorrow, instead of taking a straight 30 mile shot to my parent's to pick up my dad for the hockey game, I have to take a huge out of the way roundabout route that's about 49 miles and takes twice the amount of time, assuming there's no traffic. And, yeah, this is southern California. We have traffic at 2am on Tuesday mornings, let alone midday on Sunday. However, I'd rather have hours and hours of traffic than lose my home, so I shall shut my mouth about it, and start collecting things to donate to the people who have lost everything.

The Dad

Today is my dad's birthday, and it occurs to me that he is one of my favorite people on the planet, and yet I hardly ever talk about him here (Except to tell you all how he was boozing it up as a college student and that's why I'm named Denora).

Dad is one of the smartest people I've ever met, and my constant measuring stick for intelligence among others. He's sarcastic, quiet, and hilarious. Our personalities are very similar, which is one reason we get along so well. We both are non-functional and less-than-friendly in the morning. We both love sports and reading, though I actually read more than he does. We're both anti-social and the type that will sit in the back of a room and make snarky comments about other people. (I said I was getting niceER, not that I was nice.)

He is also the reason I have such eclectic musical taste. Since I was little, Dad exposed me to all sorts of music, but the center of it was good old Rock. I grew up loving The Rolling Stones, The Who, Aerosmith and Yes. One of my dad's favorite stories to tell about me is the day I came home from school (in the late 80's or early 90's) and was so excited to tell him about these two "new" awesome bands that I'd just discovered. Ever ready to try out new music, Dad eagerly asked me who I'd discovered. Aerosmith and the Beach Boys. He still laughs when he thinks about it. Hey! I was only twenty or thirty years behind the times! Give me a break!

Dad is also where I got my love for the Angels. I've mentioned before that I went to my first game at 4 weeks old, and it's certainly not because Mom is such a big fan. (I'd give up my last remaining kidney if she could name 5 current Angel players.) Watching baseball with him is where I developed an intolerance for announcers Rex Hudler and Steve Physioc (Seriously two of the dumbest guys on the planet. A direct quote: "In the last 11 games, the Angels are 8 and 4."), and a predilection for yelling at the television, knowing completely that they can't hear me.

Dad's a great guy, both as a friend and as a parent. I couldn't ask for anyone better!

Happy Birthday Daddy!

More Waiting...

That? That sound you hear? That would be me ripping my hair out in frustration. Two months ago I called my doctor to get an appointment, because I just haven't been feeling right. The soonest they could get me in was 8 weeks later. EIGHT WEEKS. So I took what I could get and scheduled my appointment for November 21st. When I got home from work today there was a message on my machine informing me that the doctor would not be in next week, and I'd need to reschedule my appointment. It's a good thing they left a message instead of getting in touch with me, because the rage that swelled through my head was phenomenal. It's bad enough I had to keep feeling sorta crappy for 8 weeks (nothing major, but enough to bother me), but now I have to wait even longer. I am glad, however, that I had a chance to calm down before calling them back, because I'm pretty sure I'd have been blacklisted from the doctor's office if I'd spoken to them right away. Sometimes my temper sucks.

**UPDATE: I called this morning and the next available appointment is JANUARY 5th, making it 4 months from the time I called to make the appointment in the first place. They won't let me see another doctor, they won't squeeze me in between patients, but they'll but me on the cancellation list, and let me know if something opens up. Funny, I've been on that same list for two months now, and I'm still waiting...

Improvements

A year ago today I made a list of things I'd like to improve about myself. In the interest of keeping myself honest and accountable, I decided to revisit the list and see how I'd done in the last year.

Things I wanted to change:

• Quit biting my nails - I have, actually. I stopped in June right after my Grandpa passed away. I was so stressed out that I was biting my nails to the point where my fingers were bleeding. (Gross, I know.) I went out and got acrylic nails put on, and kept them for about 3 weeks. When they came off, I didn't start biting my nails again like I thought I would. I kept them short at first, so as not to tempt myself, but now they're long and manicured and actually quite nice looking. I am extremely proud of myself for accomplishing this!
• Stop putting myself down - I can't say I've stopped completely, because that would be a lie. But I have extremely reduced how often I put myself down. (Except in instances where I'm being funny. But I don't count those.) I think a lot of it has to do with where I am in life now. I like myself a lot more and don't feel the need to kick myself for every little mistake. It turns out that I'm human and humans make mistakes. And to think I thought I was perfect!
• Be more productive - This one is one I need to work on a little more. There are many times when I have the time to do the laundry list of things I've been meaning to do, and yet I find myself curled on the couch reading a book, or watching tv. Part of my excuse rationalization for this is that I get so little free time, I don't want to spend it doing chores or things that are less fun than reading. But still, it's something I'd like to work on a bit more in the next year.
• Be more positive - I've been better about this actually, and for some reason that surprises me. I have always considered myself a negative person (though I like to use the word "realistic" rather than negative), so I assumed that this would be one of the things I'd never be able to change. But when I was thinking about this list and my actions and thoughts over the last year, I was surprised to note that I really have been more positive in general. I don't always assume the worst about people, or situations. I'm not a ray of sunshine by any means, but I'm not the constant grouch I used to be.
• Have more fun - I'm not sure why I put this on the list last year, because I can't remember not having a lot of fun. I do, however, think I enjoy myself more now than I did last year. Things that didn't used to be something I'd like, like trying new foods, are things I enjoy doing now. I think a lot of that comes from being more positive and not expecting everything to suck. I don't think I'm having more fun, per say, but I'm enjoying life more. Make sense?
• Find a hobby I enjoy- Still searching on this one. The closest thing to an enjoyable hobby that I have is photography, but I don't really do anything with it. I'm great about taking pictures, and craptastic about actually putting the pictures on display for others to see. Most of my pictures are sitting on a memory stick, or in a folder on my computer waiting to be uploaded to Flickr. I've learned a lot about photography in the last year, and I'm hoping the next year will bring even more education in that field.
• Be a better friend - I have been marginally better, but not as good as I'd like to be. I've made a lot of new friends in the past year, and I've made a conscious effort to keep up the relationship with the friends I've had for a while. When I told my friends about my divorce, they rallied around me to keep my spirits up. Same thing when my Grandpa passed away. Maybe we don't talk every day or every week, but I know that if any of them needed me, I'd be there for them in a heartbeat. Just like they were for me.
• Be a nicer person - I totally have. Not so much all year long, but absolutely in the last 4 or 5 months. I've had a much happier and healthier outlook on life, and that's been the key to being nicer to others. At least for me. Could I be nicer still? Probably. But the difference between now and a year ago is so astonishing that if I WAS nicer, people might have me committed.

So yay! Great improvements, if I do say so myself. I've actually found myself doing a lot of this sort of self evaluation lately, and it's really making me feel a lot better about myself. The past year (or two, if you want to be honest) was a rough one for me, but I truly feel like I've grown a great deal. Let's hope that doesn't stop!

Face off!

As it turns out, Mia likes hockey as much as I do. In fact, she's considering starting her own team.

The Thug Pugs.

 
First, she inspected the stick.

 

Next, she examined the puck.

 

 
Clearly, the puck wins.

 

Mia Monday!

Mia is skeptical of anything that moves. And anything that doesn't. It's hysterical to watch her sneak up on a cardboard box, only to have her jump out of her fur when you nudge it with your foot. So when we introduced her to Fred, she was extremely hesitant.

Fred, on the other hand, was the picture of serenity when he met Mia. Amazingly, he didn't even blink an eye when she later pounced on him.

Semi Okay Sunday

A while back I talked about how I was committing myself to being a Steeler fan this football season, and up until today it's been very easy to do so. However, today my boy Peyton Manning played the Steelers, and while I was dressed out in my borrowed Steeler jersey and hat, I cheered for Peyton the entire time. I couldn't help it. I did cheer for the Steeler offense when they did something good, since Peyton wasn't on the field at the time. But since I had a friendly bet with Donald on the outcome of the game, I was relying on the Colts defense to keep the Steelers from scoring. It came down to the very last seconds of the game, but the Colts prevailed, and this happy little guy will be coming my way, compliments of Donald and his losing Steelers, very soon. Go Peyton!

So, yesterday I thought massages were the greatest things on earth. I felt very relaxed afterward, and even though the huge knots in my shoulders were still there, they were significantly smaller. (The massage therapist told me that he'd have needed another 80 minutes to get them out, and that I really need to stress less or come in more often. Don't I wish!) Today, I'm not so relaxed and happy. My back, from the neck down, feels like one large bruise. It hurts to touch, to lean back on a chair, and to be hugged. I'm sure that it was good to release all the tension locked up in there, and that my muscles are just not used to being untangled, but holy hell, I almost wish I was tense again. At least that pain was bearable.

Lazy Day

Isn't it amazing how tired you can be when you've done almost nothing all day? That's exactly how I feel. I slept in this morning, puttered around on the computer for a while, and then left for the spa. I got a fabulous 80 minute deluxe full body Swedish massage and my muscles truly felt like butter when it was done. I popped over to my favorite bagelry for lunch, got a quick manicure, and came home. I've been lying around doing basically nothing for the last 5 hours, and I'm exhausted. It makes no sense to me, and yet it's one of the best Saturdays I've had in a very long time.

I'm off to go spend the evening cuddled up on the couch watching the Kings hockey game on TV with Donald. Happy Saturday everyone!